the dalai lama flies
first class

[Dramatis Personae

Mary Kay, field representative for the ABA
Chip, journalist who works at Playboy
George, board member at UFO institute
Matt, zine editor and ballet pianist
Jennifer, postcard collector]

[Scene I. George and Jennifer's Apartment in Chicago]

Mary Kay. I think I saw the Dalai Lama on an airplane.
All. Really?
Mary Kay. Yes, I think it was the Dalai Lama. He sat right in front of me.
Chip. (dubious) You did not see the Dalai Lama.
George. Where were you flying?
Mary Kay. I was flying from Chicago to Vancouver. He was wearing an orange robe and talking in a foreign language with the woman next to him.
Chip. What, were you in first class?
Mary Kay. No. Coach.
Chip. The Dalai Lama is not going to fly coach.
George. I think he might. I mean, he's not the pope!
Matt. Yeah, the pope has to have his own airliner.
Mary Kay. The Dalai Lama would fly coach. You know how those Tibetan people are so .... are so .... what's the word I'm looking for?
Matt. Self-effacing?
Mary Kay. No. It begins with a "D" I think. [The word eludes everyone.] If there were just some way to find out if I really saw him.
Matt. Why not look it up on the Internet?
Jennifer. Great idea. I'll bring up the Dalai Lama home page!
George. The Dalai Lama has a home page?
Matt. Yep.

[Jennifer goes to the computer and brings up the Dalai Lama home page. A photo of His Holiness appears at the top of the page.]

Mary Kay. That's him. I know it. I did see the Dalai Lama!
Jennifer. Let's see... Itinerary for U.S. tour! What date did you see him?
Mary Kay. September 12th.
Jennifer.(reading from screen) September 11th he was in Boston. September 13th he was supposed to be in Washington, D.C.
Chip. I don't think he would fly to Vancouver in between.
Matt. Though it's possible.
Mary Kay. It really did look like him.
George. I bet it was the Dalai Lama. Send him an e-mail and ask him.
Mary Kay. That's a good idea. [E-mails the Dalai Lama]

[Scene II. An Indian restaurant.]

Chip. (to George) What do you think about these new Roswell photos?
George. They are clearly fakes. Good fakes, but fakes.
Chip. Yeah, it's amazing how much unity there is in the UFO community about that.
George. The problem is the pictures don't match up to what we know based on eyewitness accounts from people who have been abducted. They are all wrong.
Mary Kay. Have you ever met anyone who was abducted?
George. No, but their stories corroborate very well, something that would be very hard to fake. I mean you would not be able to make up a convincing abduction story just by reading the literature that is available.
Jennifer. We met an abductee! What about that guy in Missouri who got sucked through the window?
George. Oh yeah. I guess we did meet him.

[Scene III. Mary Kay and Matt's car, driving Chip home]

Chip. You know, the big problem with all the alien abductions is it never happens to someone who is credible. Instead, it happens to white trash hicks in the middle of nowhere. Like, if they abducted Matt, I would totally believe it.
Matt. Gimme a break. You don't even believe Mary Kay saw the Dalai Lama.

[Finis]