sex in the stacks
who has ever checked out a book knows the stereotype about librarians:
Thick glasses. Hair pinned up in a bun. Nymphomaniacs. Nymphomaniacs?
Maybe that isn't the first word that pops to mind when you're
asking for the name of the seventh dwarf at your local reference
desk, but that's definitely the view that reigns within my private
collection of librarian porn.
I had no idea that such a
thing even existed until a friend brought one of these XXX-rated
paperbacks to my attention. Since I was a librarian, I found
the idea highly amusing, if a bit unlikely. Still, writers often
base sexual fantasies on women in the workplace and their uniforms:
you'll find bushels of porn about nurses, teachers, nuns. Part
of the arousal factor seems to based on the paradox that a woman
might be brainy and slutty. And even I am not immune to the erotic
potential of the library setting, especially the dim and quiet
seclusion of the stacks. Exploring the urges of the body in the
temple of the mind may be a sacrilege, but it's also a giggly
I actually thought the book
my friend had dug up might be the only one of its kind, but once
I started showing it off I was showered with other examples.
After discarding the even more specialized Bestiality Librarian
Porn and Bondage Librarian Porn (plus the books so badly written
that they defied arousal), I trimmed my collection down to a
select few titles. Let me unbutton your shirt and make you a
little more comfortable as I pull a few favorites off the high
The Librarian Loves to Lick
by Frank Warfield, Greenleaf Classics, 1986
One hot night in the life of one hot librarian, described with
a little more literary wit than the average stroke book. A personal
favorite because the author actually employs the props and activities
of library life. We meet librarian Shelly dusting books and amusing
herself with the handle of a feather duster. Before the night
is out, she does the nasty on top of some of the stacks (the
Dewey decibel numbers aren't provided) and on a rolling book
cart. Then there's the scene, perhaps the finest in the entire
librarian-porn genre, where Shelly catches the prim and proper
Professor Adams photocopying his enormous member. Wacky hi-jinks
ensue: "The copy machine flashed on, and the intense light
seemed to shoot heat through the cock into Shelly's gently-sucking
mouth. Adams started to move his hips in a slow, hypnotic rhythm.
The light and warmth flashing in time with the pumping fuck-thrusts
into her mouth almost put Shelly into a trance." At the
end of her shift, "she took the library stamp and stamped
her book several times once for each climax she had had
during the evening."
Nick Eastwood, Greenleaf Classics, 1982
College librarian Sandra is trying to save herself for her marriage
to prudish Kurt, but it's so difficult, what with all the teen
couples she finds humping in the stacks. After watching one too
many of these encounters, she rebels against Kurt and seeks satisfaction
on the job with students and co-workers alike. She even attends
one of those student orgies we all hear so much about but never
seem to get invited to. Kurt eventually comes around.
Waldo Beck, Carlyle Communications, 1974
Prim Lynn only spends enough time at the library to get herself
invited to a college professors' poker party. Soon enough she's
servicing the players, including the professor of Greek: "He
fucked her up the ass with precision and control and a strangely
disciplined delight." The next morning, realizing that her
reputation in this small town is ruined, she withdraws her savings
from the bank and flees to a resort in Spain. Here she meets
other decadent Americans, including a swinging couple who converse
in that witty, brittle way found only in books. Lynn finds true
love, but only after gang-banging the members of the hotel mariachi
Laura Winters, Greenleaf Classics, 1985
Which are better, hardbodied students or studly faculty? Fortunately,
ultra-nympho high school librarian Samantha can indulge herself
with the cream of both groups. We've all suspected that school
athletic staff facilities are better than those that mere teachers
get to use, and Samantha's visit to the coach's office proves
it: "Coach Able pressed a button, and as if by magic, a
queen-sized bed covered with turquoise silk sheets appeared from
behind a wall." This book shamelessly employs Plot Device
#478-C: Samantha drains the Vital Bodily Fluids of the opposing
basketball team's stars so her own Madison High can win the playoffs.
Eager Young Librarian
by J.D. Blackwood, Greenleaf Classics, 1985
Is it just me or are all these books starting to sound alike?
Sensuous Naura finds hot nookie at her new library job, with
students, adult patrons, and fellow book shufflers. If only that
mean old frigid head librarian would stop following her around
and cramping her style. Bonus: lesbian Jacuzzi sex scene.
by Don Scott, Greenleaf Classics, 1985
Principal Summers convinces insatiable librarian Crystal to use
her seductive powers to investigate a gang of students using
their own sexual wiles to gain access to school computers and
change their grades. (Maybe they should reissue this novel as
"Teen Slut Hackers.") Specialty scene: hood-of-car
gang bang with teenage delinquents.
Licking the Librarian
by Hank Borden, Greenleaf Classics, 1983
" 'Oh wow!' he said. 'I really had fun popping your cherry.'
Alice wished she could say the same thing, but the fact was she
didn't enjoy the rape at all." Well, duh But that's
the great thing about porn novels you can skip over the
chapters that don't turn you on. After the ugly events of Chapter
One, librarian Alice is understandably sex-shy. But by watching
some teens humping in the stacks (doesn't anyone do it on their
parents' bed anymore?), Alice learns that sex can be gentle and
loving. After that, it's Katie-bar-the-door. She starts wearing
sexier dresses too. Author's favorite ejaculatory exclamation:
"Your mouth / cunt / prick is murder!"
The Librarian's Hot Urges
by Nick Eastwood, Greenleaf Classics, 1984
Virginal school librarian Pam is so thrilled to meet her new
employer, Principal Jim, that she heads straight home to take
a hot bath. Soon, she has a revelation: "Finally, it dawned
on her what had happened. 'My gosh,' she breathed. 'That must
have been an orgasm.' " She has much to learn, but thankfully
there's a freaky exhibitionist married couple next door, and
horny teens carrying on in the stacks (where else?). Caught spying
on a teenage gang-bang, Pam is forced to join in and loses her
cherry six different ways. Caught in the act, she finds a special
way to earn Principal Jim's forgiveness.
Horny Peeping Librarian
by Frank Brown, Greenleaf Classics, 1984
Voluptuous librarian Sue gets it on with high school boys in
various nooks and crannies of the public library and of
her anatomy, right down to her toes. While this isn't full-fledged
foot-fetish porn, the author slips in enough references to make
his personal tastes clear. "You've got hot feet, lady,"
one teen pants. All this action on library time jeopardizes Sue's
job, but she saves her position by doing it doggie-style with
the head librarian. Favorite line: "The two boys fucked
her with blinding speed, their rampant pricks reaming out her
fuckholes like high-speed drills." (Oh, Mr. Black! Oh, Mr.
The Hottest Librarian
by Gary F. Woods, Oakmore Enterprises, 1985
Burdened by low self-esteem, Gussie Fennimore might have remained
forever a virgin working at the college library. But a blind
date recognizes that inside those prim clothes, volcanic passions
lurk. Within hours, she's left a trail of sexual conquests stretching
across campus. Along the way, she encounters a bewildering range
of penis shapes: stumpy, crooked, pencil-thin and the ever-popular
Enormous. Though Gussie loses her cherry, she keeps her bun:
"[The girl] could see the shiny knot of hair at the back
of Miss Fennimore's head and her naked ass sticking up in the
air and everything. It was really neat!"
article first appeared in my fanzine, Chip's Closet Cleaner,
Candi Strecker, a former librarian, created the zine It's a Wonderful Lifestyle.
artwork is by D.B. Velveeda.
also: Poo, Libraries and the Anal Character
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