free lunch

by charlotte rowe

Not too long ago, I spent an afternoon reading magazines over black bean soup and a smoked turkey sandwich with mayo and lettuce on wheat at a tiny cafe called Beyond Words. During lunch, I spotted an annoying trend: Every other profile of some star included a long passage in which the writer drew great insight from what his or her subject ate for lunch.

Vanity Fair, May 1995
CELEBRITY: Meg Ryan
MEAL: "Smothered chicken and corn bread and freshly cooked collard greens''
INSIGHT: "What does Meg Ryan really want? 'Collard greens,' she tells me with the empty-stomached emphasis of a Georgia roadhouse customer as we roam around Savannah on a warm winter day.''

Vanity Fair, July 1995
CELEBRITY: Nicole Kidman
MEAL: "She orders escargots, ravioli, and red wine, lunges for my French fries, and makes it clear that she wants all the toffee pudding with creme fraiche she's ordering for dessert.''
INSIGHT: "I expect Nicole to ask for the usual plate of steamed vegetables and designer water affected by so many young stars. Instead,'' she orders the above. "Now, this is a woman who approaches life with zest.''

Vanity Fair, December 1995
CELEBRITY: Laurence Fishburne
MEAL: "Here we are, smiling over a cozy pot of caffeine-free herbal.''
INSIGHT: "Given his reputation for playing ruthless killers, this is a bit unexpected; with his I'm-a-mean-motherfucker expression and languid, dangerous eyes, Fishburne, who is large and powerful-looking seems slightly incongruous browsing among flowered porcelain teacups with dainty fluted handles.''

Vanity Fair, January 1996
CELEBRITY: Uma Thurman
MEAL: "She selects a Venegazzu Capo di Stato Loredan Gasparini '90, and comments on the play she has just seen: Harold Pinter's Moonlight, his first major effort since 1978.''
INSIGHT: "She has the poise and glamour of the young Bacall, the smoky mysterious of Garbo, and, on top of everything, she knows her vini rossi.''

Vanity Fair, February 1996
CELEBRITY: Emma Thompson
MEAL: "A basket of breakfast rolls that the maid has just brought out.''
INSIGHT: "A sweatshirt falls in sad, soft folds over her body, and the velvet of her baggy pants matches a piece of pumpernickel in the basket.''

Details, May 1996
CELEBRITY: Pamela Lee
MEAL: "Angel-hair pasta with tomato and basil and a salad with goat cheese.''
INSIGHT: "She had calamari the other day — big mistake.''

Details, September 1996
CELEBRITY: Noah Wyle
MEAL: "A bunch of food''
INSIGHT:"Suzanne, our waitress, arrives and tells Noah that they're out of the soup he ordered. 'Is that right?' He looks up and smiles. 'Not a problem.'''

Rolling Stone, August 22, 1996
CELEBRITY: Cameron Diaz
MEAL: "Cheeseburger''
INSIGHT: "When the burger comes, Diaz literally sops up the grease with the already-sodden French fries.''

Entertainment Weekly, December 20, 1996
CELEBRITY: Tom Cruise
MEAL: Antipasto
INSIGHT: "He's got a little green leafy thing dribbling down the corner of his mouth. Oh, well, nobody's perfect — not even Tom Cruise.''